just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
