So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
