Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
