i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
