you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
