Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
