so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
