i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i've created a new STD.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize