I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
