as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So much Jack, so little girl.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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