sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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