Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Found the puke drawer
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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