'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
