I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just blew my weed a kiss
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize