Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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