I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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