I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
