i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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