Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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