Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize