Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
