good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
