He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
