I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
