Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize