So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
