If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
