like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
