So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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