Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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