yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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