Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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