it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Nobody cheats on THIS.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
