Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
