I think I died a long time ago.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
