woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
