i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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