So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
