My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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