sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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