i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
