please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
