i already hear my dad disowning me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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