When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She told me I should be a condom model.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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