And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
