At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
