Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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