you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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