Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
