Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
