Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize