Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
