Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
