If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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