the day after is always just damage control
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
