Where did you get a picture of my penis
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
