Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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