I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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