I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She bit a glass in half.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
