Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
