thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
