This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize