i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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