No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
