i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize